A Field Guide to Every Personality Type in a Government Office
Posted by [Your Store Name] | Australian Public Service Humour
Every Australian government agency is, at its core, a carefully balanced ecosystem. Like the Galápagos Islands, but with more standing committees and worse coffee. Over decades of evolution, the APS has produced a remarkably consistent cast of characters — regardless of department, portfolio, or machinery of government change.
Whether you work in a heritage-listed building in Canberra or a leased floor in a Brisbane CBD tower, you will recognise every single one of these people.
1. The EL1 Who Has Seen Things
Calm. Unshakeable. Has personally survived four Secretaries, two changes of government, and one particularly ill-advised whole-of-government ICT transformation project. Speaks exclusively in caveats. Will never tell you what to do directly, but will ask a series of Socratic questions until you arrive at the answer yourself. Drinks their coffee black. Has strong opinions about the correct way to minute a meeting that they will share, unprompted, at the worst possible moment.
Signature phrase: "That's an interesting approach. Have you considered the implications for the portfolio?"
2. The APS6 Who Is Definitely Ready for EL1
Arrives early. Leaves late. Volunteers for every cross-agency working group. Has a personal brand. Has given their personal brand a name. Sends emails at 11pm and then follows up the next morning to make sure you saw the email. Currently completing a Graduate Certificate in Public Administration on the side. Desperate for stretch opportunities. Will describe literally any task as a stretch opportunity.
Signature phrase: "I'm really passionate about delivering outcomes for Australians."
3. The APS4 Who Knows Where Everything Is
Institutional memory in human form. Has worked in this branch longer than the building has had functioning air conditioning. Knows which shared drive the 2019 brief is on. Knows which 2019 brief you mean without you specifying. Will quietly fix your formatting errors before the document reaches the SES. Does not receive nearly enough credit. Has a mug they are very particular about.
Signature phrase: "I've got a template for that."
4. The SES Who Communicates Exclusively in Frameworks
Thinks in threes. Speaks in threes. Their out-of-office message references a framework. Was briefly excited about agile in 2018. Is currently excited about something they heard at a conference in Singapore. Will ask for a "think piece" by Friday with no further guidance. Genuinely believes that all problems can be solved with a better governance structure.
Signature phrase: "What I want us to do is double-click on that."
5. The Graduate Who Still Thinks This Is Temporary
Arrived with a Master's degree, high ideals, and the dangerous belief that good ideas rise on merit. Currently on rotation three of four. Has not yet had the conversation that recalibrates expectations. Still reads the APS Values statement unironically. Will either leave in eighteen months or become The EL1 Who Has Seen Things. There is no middle ground.
Signature phrase: "Can't we just… fix it though?"
6. The Person Who Sends Emails That Could Have Been a Teams Message
A mystery. A force of nature. Replies to all. Always. Will forward a two-line update with a 47-person CC list and a carefully worded subject line: "FW: FW: RE: RE: Action Required — Updated — Final — v3 REVISED." Calendar is inexplicably full. Somehow never available for a quick call. Very responsive to emails.
Signature phrase: "Please see below and action accordingly."
7. The One Who Is Definitely Leaving Soon
Has been definitely leaving soon for approximately three years. Keeps their desk suspiciously clean. LinkedIn profile updated. Name has appeared on a few jobs. Still here. Knows things they shouldn't know about the organisational restructure. Strangely at peace.
Signature phrase: "Honestly, I'm just taking it one day at a time."
8. The Finance Person Everyone Is Slightly Afraid Of
Not mean. Just precise. Has a look they give you when you submit a budget variation without a completed BRF. The look is sufficient. Nobody has ever had the same budget error twice. Keeps a spotless desk. Has strong feelings about the correct use of the accruals method that they express through meaningful silence.
Signature phrase: "Did you attach the supporting documentation?"
How to Use This Guide
If you recognised yourself in any of the above, congratulations — you are a normal person who has worked in the APS. If you didn't recognise yourself at all, you are almost certainly number two.
The public service runs on these people. Every single one of them. Even the one who replies to all.
Celebrate accordingly. Preferably with a mug that understands you.
Browse our range of APS-approved satirical mugs, mousepads and more at [your store link]. Ships Australia-wide.
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